I am so tired of someone making me feel less then I am.. Im tired of people not respecting who I am or my wishes. Im tired of being tired everyday, not getting a break... not being able to help my money situation or my moms. Im tired of life in general.. im tired of putting my heart out there.. Im tired of doing everything I can and just feeling like Im helpless at the end of the day. Im tired of feeling trapped and alone!!
I dont understand it. I had a baby by someone so heartless and uncaring. Why is it so difficult for men to changE? or maybe its just that they have to become a REAL man to change.. and most the time theyre not ready. I have changed so much in the past year and I feel like no body sees it. I feel like every1 is unappreciative of the change ive went through. Im sick of my mom telling me I am depressed looking and Im loosing weight and not eating enough every day. Im tired of lying to everyone and saying that life is okay. Im tired of not wanting to leave the house to go to make money because I know how stressful it can be and how much Im messing up the babies schedule by being there..
Im tired of wanting or needing to go somewhere and having to leave Renny with my mom, because her shitty dad isnt here. Im tired of having to beg for money! Im tired of his mother giving him reasons to not be here and to not take care of us... Im tired of having to rely on him. I need to make money and be relaxed. I want to go outside and scream!! I want to lay in the bed and cry. I try to make new frineds, talk to new people, hang with old ones, go out, but in the end.. Im still hurt and sad.
I hate my situation.. not that I have a daughter, because I love that. But doing it alone, I HATE... feeling trapped like theres no way out, listening to everyone argue over here... i hate trying to prove to someone that Im a good person, when they dont appreciate me! I hate hurting inside... and wanting to pull away and knowing i need to, but then too scared to. I want to move on and find someone who loves me, but then feel bad doing it!
I just wish I could get blessed somehow.. I wish I could pack my things up and start over. I wish I could help my mother... I wish I could help myself!!!
3 comments:
Hugs!!! Get some sleep and let's hang out this week. Just you and me. Whadda ya say? :)
i say yes!! lets do it!!! Hope to hear from you tomorrow!! maybe renny and i will be feeling well enough to come 2morow, but i think we have a bug, so it might be best to rest so we can get it out of our system so that we can hang out later this week! x0x0
Just came accross your blog. I pray yyou get this figured out. Don't give up.
Every Blessing, Jodi
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